She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
