I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
