I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
