We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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