dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
