he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
