Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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