just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
