ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
