Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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