Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
