a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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