Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
