I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
