so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize