I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
