Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize