shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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