Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
