she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
