Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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