Don't you send me to vm
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
