I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
