I'm lost and stupid without you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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