mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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