i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i love accidental penises.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
