1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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