at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your cock deserves a montage
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
