I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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