If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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