what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
