You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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