3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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