I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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