so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
