I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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