Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
