I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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