We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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