we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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