If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement