Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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