All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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