i don't like sucking hair
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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