I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
