Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
