I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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