I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth