some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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