Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
