Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
