You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
