cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
