Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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