It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
