My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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