some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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