I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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