why didn't you poke me back
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize