It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
