Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In other news, I just burned my penis
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
