The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I looked at my own cervix.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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