so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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