i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
