Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
