I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
